Jon Stewart

"Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively."

"Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively."

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

"The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith."

"Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake."

"You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena."

"The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith."

"Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake."

"I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days."

"If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that."

"I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character."

"Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion."

"If we amplify everything, we hear nothing."

"You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things."

"Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people."

"Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car."