More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Candle making is a half-ass business, because the product is only useful half the day, at night. Why not make candles that double as dildos, and make it a whole-ass business."
"In high school I used to write my love notes backwards, so she'd have to flip the paper upside-down to read it. Either that or read it in a mirror, so she can see herself as I see her, and see why I admire her."
"I’m an only child, and therefore I gave birth to my parents, because if it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t even be parents."
"If you need me I’ll be sitting over there, on the ground, next to the empty chair. The emptiness always reminds me of your love."
"I wholesale wholesome, and sometimes I even halfsale it. But even when I halfsale, I still charge 100%. That’s the Zeno Discount."