"When I was young, I was 13 going on 31. Then when I was 30 going on 31, I was 30 going on 29. Now I’m in love and I’ve lost all sense of time—and all the rest of my sense."
"Flowers are aromatic and romantic, and they grow exactly the way love does—with plenty of light, and watered with affection."
"If my legs get blown off in war, I’d like to have them replaced with a coffee table. Half man/half furniture, I’ll be in the living room if you need me."
"She said she'd love me forever. That was two days ago, so I should probably ask her again if she still feels the same way."
"When I compliment you, I compliment myself, because I am who I associate with."
"Necessity may be the mother of invention, but who is the father? Don’t look at me! I wore a condom."