"The truth is, every son raised by a single mom is pretty much born married. I don't know, but until your mom dies it seems like all the other women in your life can never be more than just your mistress."
"trichloroethane [...] All my extensive testing has shown this to be the best treatment for a dangerous excess of human knowledge"
"If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes."
"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."
"That’s the biggest purpose of religious gathering: permission to look terrible in public. We used to go to church to confess our worst behaviour, to be heard and forgiven, then to be redeemed and accepted back into our communityChuck Palahniuk in interview with TMO"
"You know how both life and porno movies end. The only difference is life starts with the orgasm."