More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"He’s right-handed, so I told him to draw his self-portrait with his left hand, because it’d look so ugly it’d look realistic. Since he’s a DC politician, I figured a little reality was needed in his life."
"Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray."
"I love deeply. I love long. I love wide and high. That's right, my love is interdimensional, and my vortex will heal your body and soul."
"Love is a Heaven Cake, with clouds for icing. If there are two pieces left, I guess I can have seconds."
"The roses of romance grow when you water your relationship with gratitude. Love will bloom and blossom when you recognize the awesome."