"I don't understand people who say they need more "Me Time."What other time is there? Do these people spend part of their day in someone else's body?"
"I’ll wear a maze on a necklace, dangling over my chest, because if you want to get at my heart, you have to be ready to lose yourself."
"The trick to looking ageless is drinking 55 gallons of #FlashBangWowFuzz every 4-6 hours. 24-hour discounts available."
"On the scale of tomato to ketchup, my girlfriend is definitely a 57."
"My currency is kindness, and while there are no ATMs that dispense it, it’s also not accepted or recognized at strip clubs."
"Why are desire scales 1-10? They should be 1-12, like a clock, because I want her 1-12, I mean like all the time."