"I don't understand people who say they need more "Me Time."What other time is there? Do these people spend part of their day in someone else's body?"
"The scent of success, it smells like body odor."
"A relationship is a sales process, and sometimes you must buy to sell, and when you sell it is to the benefit of both of you."
"Me and her, we’re both hiding who we really are. This is a common practice. It’s called dating."
"Once you finish having sex, what is there to do but start over?"
"For the funeral I needed a plus one, so I rented a hooker. And then I rented a movie. Rest in peace Grandpa, or whoever you were."