More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Some people grow vegetables by day, but I grow shadows by night. Right now my only customer is the US government, but the profit is unbelievable."
"I have a doctorate degree from the School of Hard Knocks. I studied door-to-door salesmanship. This was before the doorbell was invented."
"Quit making shade while I’m trying to make noon. Go put on a blindfold and act like midnight. There’s leftover love in the freezer if you get cold."
"I must be a great leader because many people follow me. Most of the people are police officers, if that gives you any indication of my character."
"Why are desire scales 1-10? They should be 1-12, like a clock, because I want her 1-12, I mean like all the time."