Who needs a large vocabulary when you can just make up any w... - Jarod Kintz, How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

"To get him to agree, I put a gun to his head. To get him to not change his mind, I blew out his brains."

"My definition of dictionary can’t be found in the dictionary. Dictionary—A linguistic prison, confining words to well-defined cells, with little chance of parole."

"There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants."

"The first step to running a successful business, is printing out pictures of all the luxury items you’re going to buy once you get rich."

"I let wine breathe. And I hold my breathe, so it can get all the air."