Jarod Kintz, How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

"The first step to running a successful business, is printing out pictures of all the luxury items you’re going to buy once you get rich."

"Who needs a large vocabulary when you can just make up any word at any time? It makes life a whole lot more emeaglibop."

"There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants."

"My definition of dictionary can’t be found in the dictionary. Dictionary—A linguistic prison, confining words to well-defined cells, with little chance of parole."

"My definition of dictionary can’t be found in the dictionary. Dictionary—A linguistic prison, confining words to well-defined cells, with little chance of parole."

"There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants."

"I let wine breathe. And I hold my breathe, so it can get all the air."

"Who needs a large vocabulary when you can just make up any word at any time? It makes life a whole lot more emeaglibop."

"To get him to agree, I put a gun to his head. To get him to not change his mind, I blew out his brains."