Jarod Kintz, How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

"Who needs a large vocabulary when you can just make up any word at any time? It makes life a whole lot more emeaglibop."

"I let wine breathe. And I hold my breathe, so it can get all the air."

"My definition of dictionary can’t be found in the dictionary. Dictionary—A linguistic prison, confining words to well-defined cells, with little chance of parole."

"To get him to agree, I put a gun to his head. To get him to not change his mind, I blew out his brains."

"My definition of dictionary can’t be found in the dictionary. Dictionary—A linguistic prison, confining words to well-defined cells, with little chance of parole."

"The first step to running a successful business, is printing out pictures of all the luxury items you’re going to buy once you get rich."

"There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants."

"There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants."

"Who needs a large vocabulary when you can just make up any word at any time? It makes life a whole lot more emeaglibop."