More quotes by Stephen Colbert

"Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset."
"If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it."
"Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority."
"There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious."
"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it."