More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"For the funeral I needed a plus one, so I rented a hooker. And then I rented a movie. Rest in peace Grandpa, or whoever you were."
"She moves through my memory the way the gentle river waves turn the setting sun's rays into a nostalgic light show."
"When she tried to seduce me, I got suspicious, thinking she was just after my massive fortune. Then I relaxed, when I remembered I'm poor."
"Why pay for an undesirable outcome with someone else? For the same money, you could have paid me to stay at home and do nothing."
"The Federal Government pushing drugs and then punishing marijuana growers is like the pot calling the kettle green."