"I'm the kind of guy who puts other people first. Particularly if there’s danger up ahead. Now I’m not saying I’m any more cowardly than the next man, unless that next man is any other man besides my clone."
"I’m an only child, and therefore I gave birth to my parents, because if it weren’t for me, they wouldn’t even be parents."
"If I fail to succeed, I have succeeded in failing."
"During my darkest hour, life threw me some curves. Thankfully they were in the shape of a woman’s body."
"Why aren’t red traffic lights heart-shaped? Probably because it’s not like rush hour can get any more romantic."
"Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go."