"A slinky is a toy made for stairs, but that’s entirely too tiresome. What about a toy for escalators that doesn’t move and does nothing and that’s the whole point? I think Americans would relate to and embrace that mentality."
"Combine a fog machine and a cotton candy maker to create delicious mystery. This is the heart of romance."
"Take some cues from some Q’s. Quality and quantity lead to queues."
"A follow-up letter is best when not written on the back of a suicide note. Remember this next time you’re at a networking event, unless your new connection is a mortician."
"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."
"Cats are puddles of cuteness. I stepped in one the other day that was so muddy I not only had to pet it, but cuddle with it for hours."