More quotes by Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

"I've been trying to start a garage band for over a decade now, but father won't move his car."
— Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over. Read More
"I wonder if rooms in an insane asylum have Do Not Disturb signs for the doors. I should hope not, because knock or no knock, every occupant in those rooms is already disturbed."
— Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over. Read More
"Every night I pray I whisper into a megaphone, not only so God is sure to hear, but also my neighbors, because I pray to God He’ll deliver pestilence and plague to the residents next door. I even tell God the exact address, as if He can’t read my heart. But it’s not for His benefit, it’s for my neighbors’."
— Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over. Read More
"I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have cancer, and your daughter hasn't been raped or murdered. The bad news is that I ran over your dog. And your son. And his wife. But not before I ran out of gas to achieve all of that."
— Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over. Read More
"Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans."
— Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over. Read More