"Anything disguised as anything is chameleon. A ghost disguised as an unobservable and invisible object is a great example. Still, that’s easier to see than the love my ex wife had for me."
"If I could convert books to wine, I’d start with The Grapes of Wrath. I’ve never read it, but maybe tonight I’ll be thirsty enough."
"If you want to steal my heart, you must realize it's not a one-time heist. This theft will take every minute of the rest of your life."
"Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries."
"Today we’re living in an anti-Waldo world, where you don’t want to blend in and have people struggle to find you. You want your personal brand to stand out like you’re wearing a red and white sweater, and everyone else has on black."
"I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go."