I’d rather sell one thing for one million dollars, than sell... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I’m just going to keep plugging away until I find success—or an electrical socket that works. This is the secret to gaining worldly power."

"I’ll write the first sentence in English and the second sentence will be nonsense translated to Russian, to make the ultimate non sequitur."

"I just developed a gun that shoots mustaches. Sometimes a disguise can be deadly, especially if it’s your love you’re trying to camouflage."

"Sometimes I’ll forget a utensil’s name, and I’ll say, “Give me that pointy thing,” as I point with my pointy finger."

"30% of the time I am successful 70% of the time. That’s 100% in my book—a book that happens to have a page count that’s 21% Reduced Fat."