"Apparently I’m transparent—with my feelings, not with my body. I’m an emotional ghost, and if you can’t see my love for you it’s because it’s dead."
"So many women are fighting to receive my love that Chuck Norris had to intervene, and instantly he was defeated by desire. #OutBoastKanye"
"I called his broken promise heartbreaking, and he called it growing up. Oh, that’s mature—blame it on maturity."
"The thirstiest bird is surely the swallow. My love is so fluid I’ll bet drinking it would give you the gift of flight."
"I just bought a new dishwasher. Some guy was selling two of them in a barn, and it was either that or get a horse, but horses leave spots on silverware."
"The roses of romance grow when you water your relationship with gratitude. Love will bloom and blossom when you recognize the awesome."