"Based on the questions we both answered, we’re a 0% love match. That means we’re 100% compatible, once I enlighten her to the correct perspective on life."
"Drinking coffee is like drinking an inverse yawn. I prefer mine with two spoonfuls of “I’m listening."
"Last year I built a Courage Machine, but I thought it might be noisy and was too afraid to turn it on. So I coated it with glue, covered it with cat hair, mounted it on my wall, and started claiming it was an exotic animal I killed on a Safari in Africa. I'd like to believe people believe me, on account of it being so strange that it has to be true."
"What is the shape of love? Is it shaped like you? For me it is, but for you maybe it is shaped like me."
"It takes guts to love with gusto. Most people love as if they wish they were invisible, and then they wonder why their affections go unnoticed."
"I can sell you wine and I can sell you flowers, but I can't sell you romance, because that comes from your heart, and it's free."