More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Hoping to win the lottery to escape your existence is like waiting on a unicorn to give you a ride out of town. If you’re interested, I’m selling saddles."
"She's beautiful, but so what? If the University of Florida taught me anything, it's that beautiful women are everywhere. The trick is to find the diamond among all the glittering cubic zirconias."
"My love has a flow like a flower, so it’s best if you water it with the fragrance of romance, which has the aroma of loyalty."
"To show you I love you, I bought you an antique watch. You can tell it's old because it doesn't even work. I got a great deal on it."
"I wear a glove to honor all the men who have given me a hand. And to think, out of all those men, they only had one hand. No wonder I never get any high-fives."