More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"Back when I was a competitive swimmer, I used to dream of going to the Olympics. But then I changed my mind, once I found out how expensive the tickets are."
"I remember I laughed so hard I cried. But my response was half appropriate, because I was at a funeral."
"Books allow you to take flight, unlike the chicken wings I stapled to my back before eating them."
"When someone looks at something they don’t understand and they say, “That could be a good thing, or that could be a bad thing,” they’re just highlighting the fact that they have no clue what they are talking about. Everything in the universe, besides God, could be a good or bad thing."
"Does Ziploc make body bags? I’ll bet the corpses would stay fresher for longer if they did."