"Back when I was a competitive swimmer, I used to dream of going to the Olympics. But then I changed my mind, once I found out how expensive the tickets are."
"We all have to have something to hold on to, even if it’s our own torso."
"I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendously proud, considering Caesar is the guy who burned down the Library of Alexandria."
"Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers."
"Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers."
"I remember I laughed so hard I cried. But my response was half appropriate, because I was at a funeral."