Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"My coffee gets increasingly better the more I drink and the closer I come to the bottom of the cup, where all the sugar is. I wonder if life is the same way as we approach the end."

"Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, and then later on I set out the silverware and enjoyed my dinner in silence."

"She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to."

"When someone looks at something they don’t understand and they say, “That could be a good thing, or that could be a bad thing,” they’re just highlighting the fact that they have no clue what they are talking about. Everything in the universe, besides God, could be a good or bad thing."

"Are you an Is there? or a There isn’t! kind of person? I’m more of an Is there isn’t? kind of guy."

"Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers."

"Last year, millions of students didn’t graduate from high school. They didn’t drop out, they were simply in elementary and middle schools."

"Pluto will always be a planet in my book. That’s because my book was published before Pluto was blacklisted by planetary scientists."

"I put the “now” in knowledge. Well, I will put it there, probably tomorrow or tomorrow’s tomorrow."

"In my laboratory, I use science to measure love. Whatever you do, don’t drink out of beaker number two."

"Is there a word halfway between hello and goodbye? Because that’s the word my soul is trying to say."

"I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit."

"I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendously proud, considering Caesar is the guy who burned down the Library of Alexandria."

"I skimmed the pond scum with a spoon like broth in a soup bowl. Why does everything have to remind me of her?"

"I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit."

"One of the most productive ways a government can spend money on the people is by building more prisons. That’s what makes the US so great. That’s what freedom is all about."

"The police seemed to think I killed her, which is crazy, because I loved her like a thousand drops of blood dripping down a dagger."

"If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have lots of pictures. Those pictures must also move, and all the words in the book must be spoken and available audibly for all the readers to hear as they watch."

"I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendously proud, considering Caesar is the guy who burned down the Library of Alexandria."

"With six pieces of wood, I’m building a life, and my coffin."