"Dude, I don’t want to talk about Lacey’s prom shoes. And I’ll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uninterested in prom shoes. It’s called a penis."
"I don't know how I look, but I know how I feel: Young. Goofy. Infinite."
"As far as I can tell, there are two basic (kissing) rules: 1. Don't bite anything without permission. 2. The human tongue is like wasabi: it's very powerful, and should be used sparingly."
"Was it animal pee or human pee? Someone asked.How would I know? What, am I an expert in the study of pee?"
"Life has become the future. Every moment of your life is lived for the future."
"I'm not saying that everything is survivable. Just that everything except the last thing is."