"As far as I can tell, there are two basic (kissing) rules: 1. Don't bite anything without permission. 2. The human tongue is like wasabi: it's very powerful, and should be used sparingly."
"Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetical idea itself is actually used to cut diamonds,"I added. Radar tapped a locker twice with his fist to show his approval, and then came back with another. "Ben, getting you a date to prom is so hard that the American government believes the problem cannot be solved with diplomacy, but will instead require force."
"Talking to a drunk person was like talking to an extremely happy, severely brain-damaged three-year-old."
"I don't know how I look, but I know how I feel: Young. Goofy. Infinite."
"pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast high ceilings and few horsepower!"
"Life has become the future. Every moment of your life is lived for the future."