Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, a... - Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title
"Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, and then later on I set out the silverware and enjoyed my dinner in silence."
More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title
"I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success."
"One thought I think every person eventually thinks is, “Holy shit, I’m going to die!” Sorry, I just turned thirty yesterday, so my mortality is on my mind."
"Love is like a door knob that I’ve mistaken for a shower handle, and I’m trying to turn up the heat on our relationship, but the handle won’t turn and I’ve got shampoo in my eyes and my wetsuit is dry and I started crying just as the zookeeper asked me to leave."
"Does Ziploc make body bags? I’ll bet the corpses would stay fresher for longer if they did."
"When someone looks at something they don’t understand and they say, “That could be a good thing, or that could be a bad thing,” they’re just highlighting the fact that they have no clue what they are talking about. Everything in the universe, besides God, could be a good or bad thing."