"I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success."
"Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, and then later on I set out the silverware and enjoyed my dinner in silence."
"She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to."
"At the end of the universe you’ll find a door labeled “Do Not Enter.” No great mysteries are hidden there—it’s just a supplies closet."
"Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, and then later on I set out the silverware and enjoyed my dinner in silence."
"There are lots of great ideas in my book, but as a cohesive unit, my book is only held together with glue at the spine. Or it would be, if it weren’t an ebook."