"I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success."
"Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers."
"She had two lips like strawberries, and the seeds gave her kisses texture. I preferred kissing her over two scoops of vanilla ice cream."
"She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to."
"When it comes to Schopenhauer, I think I need a To-Go box."
"Books allow you to take flight, unlike the chicken wings I stapled to my back before eating them."