Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who... - Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

"Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based."

"HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is foradvantage of the lawyers."

"Redemption, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religions, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it."

"Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."

"Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy."