Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of... - Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

"Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."

"Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage."

"Redemption, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religions, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it."

"Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy."

"Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based."