Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of... - Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

"Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy."

"Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."

"Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based."

"Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."

"Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable."