Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

"Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."

"Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others."

"Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work."

"Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable."

"NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi."

"Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage."

"HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is foradvantage of the lawyers."

"Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."

"Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."

"Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy."

"Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based."

"Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."

"Redemption, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religions, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it."

"Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."