For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, ju... - Jarod Kintz, So many chairs, and no time to sit

"For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be."

"For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be."

"I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless."

"I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless."

"It’s impossible for me to applaud your successes when my hands are too busy patting myself on the back. But if I clap for you, and you pat my back, we can both feel like winners."