Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn,... - Dave Barry

"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."

"If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings."

"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."

"The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter."