The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling t... - Dave Barry

"Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?"

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

"Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.'Don't be silly. You're a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right?Perhaps you are thinking: 'Yes, but how am I going to pay the credit-card company?'Don't be silly. You have a tank, right?"

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."

"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"