"The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida."
"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."
"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."
"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."
"If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings."
"Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?"