More quotes by Dave Barry

"The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter."
"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."
"What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death."
"Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything."
"Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing."