Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing. - Dave Barry

"The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter."

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."

"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."

"The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida."

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."