Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing. - Dave Barry

"Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print."

"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."

"What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death."

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."