More quotes by Dave Barry

"The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida."
"Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing."
"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."
"Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?"
"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."