#word-junkies

"Why sell farming equipment to farmers? I should cut out the middleman and sell tractors directly to people dining in restaurants."

"We fell in love like two medium pizzas in one large stomach. I wish dad would have saved a few slices for us."

"Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe."

"She was stuck in between two worlds while her heart was pulling them both together. In a perfect world, she'd have both, or none at all. The symbol for love is two circles trying to merge in a Venn diagram that comes to a point down below, and only mostly separate are the two orbs one whole heart.-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz"

"Her love used to be my lighthouse, and now it feels like I'm treading water in the dark. I’ll bet as soon as I start swimming, the sun will rise and color the sky with the romance of rose."

"I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer."

"Last night my shadow exploded into hundreds of fluttering black birds, foreshadowing my love taking flight under the cover of camouflage."

"I love sleepwalking, because when else would I get to combine exercise and rest?"

"I know half, and I know two guys who each know half of half, so together we’re altogether. Let this be a lesson in networking."

"I loved her, she loved him, and he loved himself. Now she loves me, he loves her, and I love myself as I am—without her in my life."

"To me, impulsive means foolish. But if a person’s not a little impulsive, they don’t have a pulse."

"Mainstream news wants to keep you as a useful idiot. Instead, try being a non-useful idiot."

"Tennis is the only sport with love in the score, and that makes it the most romantic. I would be a player, but I wisely use the net to go fishing instead."

"I ordered a beer and then I ordered another beer, because why finish one when I can finish two? Having only one is great for love, but bad for beer."

"The difference between a karate chop and a high five is the same as the difference between a knife and a paddle. My love can slice like a piece of pizza."

"I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife."

"I’m just going to keep plugging away until I find success—or an electrical socket that works. This is the secret to gaining worldly power."

"People won't buy study guides for a dollar, but they will pay 100 dollars for test answers. A ‪#startup‬‬‬‬ should keep this mentality in mind."

"I’ll stand by you forever. Or at least until noon, and then I’ll go stand under the cabana. Isn’t love amazing?"

"Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths."