#word-junkies

"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."

"I have two hands, so when I’m networking and I meet two new people, is it OK to shake both their hands at once? Or would it be more appropriate to organize a group hug?"

"I think about her sometimes, and wonder what she’s doing and who she’s doing it with. I suppose I could just stalk her Facebook page like a normal person, but that doesn’t seem as romantic as surveillance and GPS tracking."

"What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing myself. Am I the ideal leader? Let’s just say that if I were running for political office, I know who I’d vote for—twice."

"Nobody peels a banana before stabbing themselves with it. But that’s exactly how I love—dangerously."

"When three women all ignore each other, and each ignores me, it reminds me of Dark Jar Tin Zoo’s definition of love. Love is isn’t—even when it isn’t."

"Love now, not later. Also, love later."

"To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life."

"Is it easier to get you to do what I want with a fist to your face, or a gentle pat on the back and a handshake? Let this be a lesson in power."

"I know I'm not going to be in your head all the time. But once you know me, I'll be forever in your heart."

"Treasure isn’t always gold, silver, and gems. Sometimes it’s furry and purring. Happy Cuddle-with-your-cat Day!"

"I would argue that unless the two people are in love, all sex is bad sex, because why eat cotton candy when you can have edible clouds? Sure, it seems sweet at the time, but that’s just a carnival and carnal rush and wears off quickly. But love adds an extra dimension that takes an earthy thing like sex and makes it absolutely heavenly."

"Do you want some fresh tomato soup to go? I’ll put it in a mesh strainer. Oh, if only love were as easy to contain as soup in a strainer."

"I slept through the award presentation for Napper of the Year. They had to wake me when I won. Winning was like a dream come true."

"I’ll cut jewels in the shape of crumpled-up pieces of paper. Her wedding ring may look like my 33rd attempt at my marriage vows."

"I was in love one time, I said as I held up my pinky. I would have held up my index finger, but I wasn't in love that long."

"It’s me and you, or me and knitting. Don’t make me choose. Ugh, #love."

"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."

"My hands could be considered deadly weapons. You see, I write with both of them."

"A follow-up letter is best when not written on the back of a suicide note. Remember this next time you’re at a networking event, unless your new connection is a mortician."