#word-junkies

"I need more frugality. I wonder where I can buy some."

"Vodka in the shape of a human body would be an excellent dancing partner. I'm a bring my own chaser kind of lover."

"I’m feeling morass, when I should be feeling more ass. I can put my sadness behind me with what’s behind you."

"I’d rather sell one thing for one million dollars, than sell one million things for one dollar each. I feel the same about my love and women."

"I can hold my alcohol, just like I’m a wine bottle. I dance as fluid as glass, and my heart shatters just as easily."

"I watered your memory every day to keep it alive, and after all this time it's like a tall cypress tree rooted deep in the St. John's River."

"Empty packets of hot sauce remind me of the love I used to have for her. Now all I’m left with is this yummy taco."

"I'm so popular in life that valets are already starting to park the cars lined up for my funeral, which is expected sometime late 2082. #OutBoastKanye"

"Love is the best gift because it’s free to give and priceless to receive."

"When red fights with white, pink is always the winner. Let that be a lesson in love."

"Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing."

"Eat, fast, and then eat fast. It’s a diet for both the body and the soul."

"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."

"It’s not who you know that matters—it’s who knows you that’s important. Personal branding builds up your reputation to the point where you have a presence even in your absence."

"Mainstream news wants to keep you as a useful idiot. Instead, try being a non-useful idiot."

"Snow is not microwave friendly. In fact, snow is not too friendly at all, unless you first buy it a few beers. Then it’s just downright slutty."

"I need to be gentler, I said definitively to myself, as I clenched my fist and shook it in the air. Love takes flight like two powerful wings, but hits like a collection of feathers."

"Love is a Heaven Cake, with clouds for icing. If there are two pieces left, I guess I can have seconds."

"Why take the stairs when someone else can take them for you? Love is like a flight of stairs—somebody’s going to take them, so I may as well be unselfish and take the elevator."

"I drink like a fish, and I swim in my thirst. I’m so parched for her love that I think I may drown in my desire."