More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"We made love like flamingoes are pink. You know what else was pink? My cheeks, because I was so embarrassed when I found out that she was the wrong woman."
"I have two friends, Steve and Martin. But I'd happily replace both for the friendship of Steve Martin."
"If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now."But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast."
"I morphed from a fly to a flower to a butterfly, which is like a combination flower and fly. I thought I was in love, but I was merely asleep."
"She said, “I’m having the stairs rebuilt,” and I replied, “No need to get sexual with me.” I’m a bring my own elevator kind of lover anyway."