"We made love like flamingoes are pink. You know what else was pink? My cheeks, because I was so embarrassed when I found out that she was the wrong woman."
"Lightning doesn’t thunder twice. Let that be a lesson in love."
"I can hold my alcohol, just like I’m a wine bottle. I dance as fluid as glass, and my heart shatters just as easily."
"Wherever there’s a gathering of people, there is networking going on. My favorite place to network is the cemetery."
"I'm here at The Container Store looking for something large enough to hold all my love for her. It's a flood, so I hope they sell Shipping Container Ships."
"Me and her, we’re both hiding who we really are. This is a common practice. It’s called dating."