"I drank so much booze I was bamboozled. Alcohol makes my mind as discombobulated as love makes my heart. I’d sure appreciate it if you poured me a large glass of romance."
"Reading makes you ready for the world. A man who doesn’t read is a man who is easily deceived. You must find that man and make him sign a contract, and you must do it before Satan does. Trust me, the profits are HUGE!"
"If love came in a cardboard tube, I’d probably send it priority mail. But I’d make you pay for shipping."
"Be mindful and heartempty, because you've got no love left in it due to you having given it all away."
"If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now."But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast."
"Some people grow vegetables by day, but I grow shadows by night. Right now my only customer is the US government, but the profit is unbelievable."