More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"She was a tall drink of water from Tallahassee, and I was an instant-coffee kind of lover. I got her so hot that neither one of could go to sleep until the ambulance finally came to a complete stop."
"I love coffee cake, but I would prefer if it were just a little more drinkable. I almost choked while chugging some this morning, and if it weren’t for the fluid nature of clownfish, I might have caught feelings for Hillary using a basketball net."
"Coffee can’t melt in the summer heat, and that’s what I like about liquid soap. Wake and Clean is my new product that combines both into one exciting new drink."
"When it’s raining, instead of using an umbrella, try holding an empty drinking glass above your head. That’s exactly how I thirst for your love."
"If you’re going to hang around and watch me write, you might as well have a noose around your neck. Would you mind if I kicked the chair out from under your feet? You’re standing on my only place to sit."