More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"A kangaroo would jump better if instead of legs, it had a trampoline under its torso. And there would be no depression, because it would bounce right back."
"She said, “I’m having the stairs rebuilt,” and I replied, “No need to get sexual with me.” I’m a bring my own elevator kind of lover anyway."
"Every day I think today could be my last day. My only fear is dying without telling her I love her one more time. All I pray for is one more time."
"I sold ten bags of hellos for five bags of goodbyes. I’d say that’s a good profit. Or it was, before I blew all my goodbyes on ex lovers."
"My knowledge is mine to use as I see fit. But I’m way too out of shape to see fit."