More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"As an author, I like self-help, because clapping can be done by myself, for myself. I should buy gloves."
"I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick."
"Midnight is Hellen-Kelleresque, so if you ask me if I’m seeing anybody, I’ll ask you what time it is. Answers are always between 12:01 AM to 11:59 PM."
"How to duplicate yourself: hang out with the same people and say the same things all the time. The you of today is a clone of the you from yesterday."
"Most scars are invisible. Damn transparent knives. Does anything cut deeper than love? I need to get some new body armor."