More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"She said she loved me, and I believed her, because she was looking directly at another man when she said it."
"If I found 20 dollars on the ground, I’d be willing to bet I’d find someone in desperate need of money that I could give it to. And I’d bet 20 dollars, so even after finding and giving away 20 dollars, I’d have made 20 dollars."
"I just invented a device that eliminates vice. It looks like a bottle of booze, only it’s empty, because I just drank it."
"Every day I think today could be my last day. My only fear is dying without telling her I love her one more time. All I pray for is one more time."
"She wants to teach me to dance, but how do you instruct water to flow? I'm so fluid all you can do is swim in my moves and drink my essence."