More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"She's beautiful, but so what? If the University of Florida taught me anything, it's that beautiful women are everywhere. The trick is to find the diamond among all the glittering cubic zirconias."
"I realize all guys have thorns. But I am a rose, and she chose a cactus over me. I wish her luck with her dry, desert-like existence with him."
"When she tried to seduce me, I got suspicious, thinking she was just after my massive fortune. Then I relaxed, when I remembered I'm poor."
"The heart is man’s treasure, and that’s why it’s locked in a cage of ribs with only one key. The key isn’t metal or material—it’s the feeling of love."
"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."