"I remember her words about remembering my words, and that’s when it hit me: the quickest way to scalpel open a heart is with a declaration of love."
"I'm hanging on to her memory like Spanish moss on an ancient Florida oak, and unlike the sunset, my love won't fade."
"I’m a Pisces, and people say that Pisces make the best the best lovers. That’s because Pisces are fish, and it’s like my grandpa always used to say, “The next best thing to making love to a mermaid, is having sex with a fish."
"There's someone for everyone. And when my clones get here, everyone will be able to have that someone. Prices start at $99."
"Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by."
"Peanut butter and jelly is like the older, more serious brother to egg salad sandwich. I’m an only child, so I eat both with incredible sadness."