More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries."
"I don’t like my circle of friends, so I’m changing them to a square. Love shapes our lives, so why not shape who we love?"
"We no longer know each other. Hell, I barely know myself these days. I brush my teeth and look in the mirror and think, “Who is this guy taking care of my oral hygiene?"
"I once tried to light a joint with a fire ant, but what did I know? I was high on glue and in the third grade, just like grandpa."
"Science doesn’t listen. Science has mice growing out of its ears. Wait, I mean human ears growing out of its mice."