"I type as fast as a ten-legged man who just had eight legs chopped off runs."
"I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it."
"Love means the world to me. But so does a globe."
"I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner."
"The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him."
"My love is like one of those wooden Russian nesting dolls (matryoshka doll). I know, because your heart fits perfectly inside mine."