Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life

"The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him."

"My advice is to write in the nude. Unless you do your writing in a public restroom, and in that case, I’d recommend wearing flip flops."

"The difference between me and a scientist is a little word called “Science.” I don’t believe in it. Science has yet to validate my disbelief in Bigfoot."

"Can America get back to a point where politicians are honest? Not unless that point is the tip of a sword."

"The ultimate weapon is Lady Gaga’s music. Why kill the enemy when you can play her music and they’ll want to kill themselves?"

"You know what I like most about people? Pets."

"I am the red wheelbarrow of communism. William Carlos Williams wrote a poem about me."

"From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge."

"I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it."

"My love is like one of those wooden Russian nesting dolls (matryoshka doll). I know, because your heart fits perfectly inside mine."

"I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it."

"I think you know if you disappeared from my life I’d be upset, but ultimately I’d make myself a new invisible cloak, to replace the one you stole."

"Love is an art. Mine could fill a museum the size of your heart."

"To be the best, you have to be willing to do what nobody does. And today, if nobody reads and nobody works hard, then you also have to give up reading and become lethargic to be successful."

"Love means the world to me. But so does a globe."

"People always ask me if I’m into sports, and I say, “Well, isn’t writing a sport? If you’re doing it right, and you have a deadline, you should be sweating."

"I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner."

"Love is an art. Mine could fill a museum the size of your heart."

"I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it."

"You know what I like most about people? Pets."