More quotes by Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely."
"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."
"I want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will be exactly the same length as the Bible."
"I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair."
"I want to create a seventeen-syllable word that encompasses the human condition, and then use that word to form the world’s most perfect haiku."