More quotes by Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."
"I want to be more like James Bond, and less like Ian Fleming."
"I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it'll be so long, I'll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it."
"I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair."
"I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married."