I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Lat... - Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."

"I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter."

"I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely."

"I want to be more like James Bond, and less like Ian Fleming."

"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."